I must say its been quite a minute and since then there have been so many changes in the world of "Me". I had written a blog about my experience in Iraq on the Olympic heroes tour, as well as the death of my aunt over the summer, however upon posting it the computer froze so I have yet to share with the world where I am in my life.
As you read, this post is titled "My first race, my last race...for now" is in reference to my upcoming meet The Milrose games, Friday January 28th, 2011. I had not completely planned to take the 2011 season off, but it has come to my own personal revelation that I have to in order to move forward for 2012. Track and field has been to my life; my lover, my friend, my confidant; however, its also been a cheater, an enemy, and my sacrifice. I have given many years to a sport that I have loved since I was 12. Track had been for many years where I felt closest to God and closest to the better parts of my person.
Over the latter parts of my career, the more wisdom I gained in the sport the more I realized that my character didn't necessarily fit some of the profiles of a sport I thought was golden. It's amazing what the politics of agents, shoe companies, and even coaches can make you realize about the priorities in your own life. Since 2006, I have witnessed some things in my sport of track and field that no one else would believe unless they were there with me. I have spent many years silent about so many things that I know are facts, so many things about coaches and agents that they would hate for any athlete to know, and all because I was in the wrong place, but at the right time. Yes, in the wrong place, at the right time. For ex. being in Eugene, Oregon at a USA outdoor nationals and meaning to walk through another door of a hotel, but instead walked through one where I happen to overhear an agent, speaking to another agent and a coach about some very incriminating issues concerning an athlete that I had just seen leaving that hotel. So of course, I figured the athlete had just been talking to his agent, the very agent that was putting his business on serious front street. At this point, let me say yes, I continued to walk on in, and yes they saw me and knew I had heard what was said. I looked at them, they looked at me, I shook my head, smirked, and walked to the elevator. To this day, I see those same 3 gentlemen at track meets often and they always speak, but the one thing they know is, Moushaumi heard them. I think of myself at times as the athlete that knew too much. Honestly, I do know more than a track and field athlete on a quest to obtain more Olympic Golds probably needs to know. Even more so, not by choice. I'd love to be an athlete making $100k plus, often, not knowing much about the ills of the sport and not having to hear it, because I had a driver to the hotel, as oppose to taking a shuttle with officials that dont know who I am, and are just chatting away about what's not supposed to be talked about. However, I am thankful that God put me in certain places, to hear certain conversations, or see certain people so I could know the truth myself. Sometimes though, ignorance is bliss.
I'd like to go to practice and know that world knows at least half of the truth about Sprint Capitol in Raleigh, NC, from 2004-2006 not what they heard. I'd like to go to practice and not be pissed about the agent who neglected to read my contract and told me to sign it and send it in written wrong, the agent who revealed to a shoe company a very private conversation I had with them, because I trusted our communication, and the agent that thought my being thorough about "my business" questioned their abilities, rather than being happy to work with an athlete that has a go-get-it attitude. No matter if we make $20,000 or $350,000, if you take a percentage you still work for the athlete, so do us that justice in earnest. I'd like to go to practice and not be bitter about coaches wanting and trying to get more from an athlete financially than agreed upon, or rather outright can't afford, and they know it, but still insist on something different. Then why offer or even encourage the athlete to train with you? Finally, I'd like to go to practice knowing that I'm getting paid because of my talent, my integrity, my character, and my ability to effect change amongst the people that come in contact with me, as well as sell them your shoes. However I go to practice and I carry these things to the line. I've done well shaking most of them off but the residue remains.
My first race will be my last race of the 2011 season and here's the vast majority as to why. On July 14, 2010 I was in transition from Belgium to my last meet for the first half of the summer in Sweden. I remember seeing Monica Hargrove at the hotel and that night we hung out in her room shooting the breeze before our race the next day. Unbeknown to me at the time, my dearest aunt, my mother's oldest sister was dying at Wesley Memorial hospital in Hattiesburg, MS from complications from a "routine" colon surgery. I ran on the 15th still unaware of the tragedy that had struck my family, and it just so happened that t-mobile decided to tell me when I had used too much of my phone before the due date of the bill so they put things on shut off until I returned. Right, who does that? I'm grown don't govern my usage, however t-mobile does. I boarded a plane and was headed back to Orlando excited to end the first half of one of the best seasons I had had in 2yrs, running a season best of 51.49, and if you knew what I'd been through as many of you do, you can understand how appreciative I was to finally see the times dropping. Once I landed in Orlando as I normally do, I call my mom first to let her know I'm back and safe. When she answered she told me her and dad were in Mississippi. I immediately asked about Doris Jean, not dawning on me my parents should be in Ohio...the next thing I heard..."Honey we lost her"....I gasped, gripped my homegirl's shoulder so hard not to collapse, and the next breath out my mouth were shouts of tears. Yeah, you can shout tears, I did that night. Never, ever did I imagine that I could return home to such tragedy. I've sacrificed alot for a sport that has sacrificed very little for me in return. I initially had been told by my agent I had no meets lined up for the summer or there were "no" races. Within in 3 days of me bringing about an unrelated concern I end up with seven weeks of meets. Please don't misunderstand me, I was truly grateful to get the meets I did and was able to make a sufficient amount of money, and obtain a season's best. However, prior to finding out these meets existed I was preparing to go to Mississippi. and stay with my granddad to help out while my aunt had her surgery, meaning I would have been there when she died. Instead I was thousands of miles away "running track". To my aunt's honor, there is no other place she would have rather I had been because she was my biggest fan. However, if I could go back and not have ran one of those races and been able to hold her hand one last time, hug her neck and tell her I love her, I would give it all back.
So my first race at the Milrose games Friday Jan. 28th 2011 at 8:03pm, a meet I've always been wanting an invite to, will be my last race for the season. I can no longer go forward successfully if I don't take a step back and find peace within myself with this sport I've loved and sacrificed for. I know it is going to be an emotional time putting those spikes on and lining up to hear the sound of a gun go off, because the last time I did that my aunt Doris had taken her final breaths. Some of you may think this is too deep, but life is deep and more than anything else this is my reality whether anyone else understands it or not. God allows things to happen in our lives so that we can find the peace we need to move on, and that is exactly what's occuring for me. A wonderful opportunity has presented itself and I'm suppose to travel down that road for now. I have struggled with wanting to take a step back and just never could, but now is the time. I have set lofty goals to accomplish for 2012 in London, and I know my aunt is expecting these things to come to fruition, and the only way for me to do it is to heal. Lauryn Hill has a song titled "I Get Out". It speaks about getting out of the boxes people and the world put us in, and that is what I'm doing climbing out of this "box". When I return it will be on my own accord and I will be free from the bondage that this sport has put most, if not all of us athletes in.
I want to thank every single one of my family members and by that I mean those who have cheered for me, aloud and quietly, who knows some of these truths and have encouraged and stuck by me. Thank you to you all for keeping me sane, for helping me see the silver lining at times and for some just letting me vent about the bullcrap. To Bruce Johnson, Sanya Richards, and Nicole Denby, continue to rep us 'Horns' and thank you for following my footsteps and knowing you will be alright after Texas. Thank you for always loving me and encouraging me, I will be back and we will all be in London together. (My other Lady Longhorns you know what it is, get it done. Michelle Carter, Bianca knight, Marshevette Myers, and Alexandria Anderson) To Steven Williams, thank you brother, we have a task ahead but you have always given me tough love to get me stronger and I don't doubt what we are going to get done. To Tiffany Williams and Novelene Williams you two are my sisters for life. There will never be another set of training partners that gave to me what you two did. I love you and thank you for pushing each other in the weight room and on the track. Our talks were always uplifting and I know you two are going to be a huge part of my 2012 quest. Kellie Wells what can I say, I wish I could put you on my shoulder when I race, thank you for the cheers, you are my ride and die supporter. Damu Mitchell our conversations have been priceless. To Rose Marie and Gigi Johnson you two sistas I have kept me in the midst of the storm, and words cannot show you, I'll just win those medals for you. To Joanna Hayes, you of all people understand most what your little sister has endured. From my first visit to UCLA to you giving birth to Zoe, you have been a part of my life and career that far exceeds what anyone would expect from someone who lives on an entirely different coast. Benard Williams you already know bro, thank you. Aubrey Herring, I just had to take this breath, but I'll be back so we can keep clowning, thank you for being my first real "track" friend, we've been rolling tight for 10 years now, amazing. Justin Gatlin, thank you for coming back, show the world for all of us, for real brother, much love and thank you for who you've been to my life. Demetria formerly Washington, I love you and I will be back to it. Jamie Nieto never stop believing in the truth and making a difference, you're here to change the world, much love brother, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone else who I know or don't know have cheered for me. There are numerous coaches, medical staff, and track fans who have given me words of wisdom and encouragement on this journey and you have not gone unnoticed, thank you. I will be back, and it's because I am honored to show all of you that what you believe in in me, is true, but I can only do it with peace of mind. Peace, Love, and Blessings.
Go Team USA Dageu, Korea 2011 (Smash the medal count)
